Surgery #3 Next Tuesday

The belly pain and nausea are not going away. Pelvic ultrasound (what a euphamism!) shows I have a cluster of cysts on my right ovary that do not look normal, and a 5-7 cm uterine fibroid off to one side. Nothing to panic over, according to all the docs I’ve been dealing with during the last year. More, really. All this has shown up on my imaging for many years.

But because the cysts look abnormal and they could be causing or contributing to my symptoms, they’ve gotta go, along with the ovary they are tangled up with. In. Whatever.

And since I’m not really using it, and the fibroid could also be involved with my symptoms, I decided to let them take my uterus out, too. The left ovary looks to be in good shape, so I will keep that and thus be able to make my own hormones, which is VERY good.

All will be done laparoscopically, which will:

1. Make for a longer surgery

2. Make for a shorter recovery time (2-4 weeks, we’ll see)

3. Add to my belly scar collection

My GYN, whom I adore, assures me this is an outpatient surgery, and that I can climb the stairs to my apartment that very afternoon. But she told me I can stay in hospital overnight if I need to.

So think of me next Tuesday. Before that, too! I have to try and unpack some more and get my place organized and stock my fridge, etc., while I am in what is now a constant state of nausea, and thankfully, only moderate belly pain.

And I hope, hope, hope that, after recovery, we’ll find out that these things were the cause of all my belly problems. Wouldn’t that be great? If not, the search continues, although my periods will not. That alone is going to be helpful!

More as it happens.

Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

Although I’m not King Henry and I’m not battling the French, I am in need of a speech of valor.

I landed in the ER this past Saturday, and was kept overnight until I could prove I could keep down semi-solid food. Ready for this? It was exactly a year — to the day — since I first had these symptoms (severe gut pain and nausea, leaving me doubled over and barfing up everything I’ve eaten during the past month, or so it seemed).

In 2008, these symptoms culminated in five trips to the ER, two surgeries, a ten-day hospital stay, loads of unpleasant tests, including two colonoscopies within five days. Even so, I was left with inconclusive results and the likelihood that my symptoms would return. Possibly in the form of another gut obstruction.

Once more, this past Saturday, all tests seemed inconclusive and every doc I talked to told me a different story. But this time I’m dealing with the U of M hospital, which is at least a research hospital. Perhaps these docs will actually try to find out what is CAUSING my symptoms. Not that I’m going to hold my breath. I see one specialist in two weeks. The other appointment hasn’t been set up yet. I’m supposed to call the hospital if I don’t hear from them in seven days.  Unless I land back in the ER.

I’ll keep you posted. Once more.

Am I Better?

When I sleep tons, and I mean 10-12 hours or more, I feel okay. As long as I do nothing. I can do some things, like walk a little, do my physical therapy (very mild) exercises, continue to unpack boxes, go shopping, cook, pay bills, write in my journal, or even work on a small volunteer project. But I must usually pick one of those things per day. Really. If I do more, I will pay.

This is especially true since the separation from my husband is not  complete, and we can’t agree, so he’s insisting we go to court, which will drag this out for at least a year. Which reminds me, I need to drive to court to make sure they get my change of address (I moved last month to a hopefully permanent apartment… moving again may kill me). I am certain the stress of this unexpected change is wearing on me.

I periodically push myself to do a large volunteer project just to test the waters, which usually wipes me out for a week or two after, depending on the demands of the project (big pushes and late nights = bad idea).

But then, I’m not being rushed to the ER every two weeks in excruciating pain like last year. That’s an improvement. I think I am physically feeling better, but only when I do nearly nothing.

So am I better? I really really don’t know.

Missing Mom

Man, how many times per year can they make an official day for me to miss my mother? She died of lung cancer in 2001, but it seems like just yesterday. As it turns out, I miss her every day. But holidays are especially difficult, particularly Mother’s Day. I feel robbed.

Wherever you are, Mom, thanks for everything. Loving you still.

Mazal Tov!

In all the darkness of our lives, a light: New nephew Michael born to my brother and sister-in-law, much wanted and loved. Welcome, beautiful boy! Photos to come, I’m sure!

Goodbye, Uncle Ted

Update: My dear, beloved Uncle Ted Larson died suddenly in February, a few weeks after the entry below was written. I haven’t had the heart to update this post about his loss because, although we weren’t close, I miss him. He was a good guy in my life, and you don’t get too many of those, really. His memorial service was beautiful, attended by many friends and family who remembered him well, including his impish sense of humor and stubborn personality. He is dearly missed.

1/18.09: While you’re sending loving thoughts to my sister, would you please add my Uncle Ted? He fell badly a while back, which made him require multiple surgeries on several vertebrae.

Ted landed back in ICU yesterday with a collapsed lung. DNR papers were signed. But you never know with my amazing Uncle – he is a fighter.

If you have a moment, please add Ted to your prayer chains and lists and thoughts. And the rest of his family as well, who have been caring for and loving him up during this challenging time.

Love is a verb, an action. Here’s yet another chance to put your ability to Love into practice.

Thank you so very much.

– Serena

Love Request

One of my sisters, the one who lives close and has been helping me physically and emotionally through a rough time, got awful news this morning.

One of her dearest friends lost a daughter and grandson in a terrible car crash last night.

If you read this, would you please take a moment from your busy day to hold everyone grieving this loss in love and light?

Such a small thing can make an enormous difference. Thank you.

Serena

The Dark Time

I don’t think it happens every year, but ’round  about the time the sun is the most gone from our skies, my life often takes a turn for the worse. It’s not my emotions from lack of light, but difficult things that seed timed to occur right NOW.

So, be warned that this is a dark time for me.

If you don’t already know, I have separated from my husband due to truley irreconcilable differences — this in spite of both of us trying very hard to make things work. Even though I instigated it, I didn’t see it coming until a week or two before it happened.

So both our live are full of change and loss ad grief and sadness. And I’m needing to move my stuff and deal with the legal system and financial issues while my symptoms are flaring… challenging timing all around.

At leatst I have a sister who is amazing, helping me nearly every day. And friends who help and listen and provide their experience and ideas for survival. In spite of all the difficulty, I do come up from the pit of despair from time to time to notice a moment of amazing gratitude.

And now and then, I get a glimpse of the warming Sun, creeping closer every so slowly, day by day by day. Even on days like today when the wind chill is twenty-eight below. Some part of me knows it won’t last forever.

KQED Inteview With Lyme Book Author and Movie Creator

Click this link for a beautiful interview with the people who created the groundbreaking book, Cure Unknown, and the film, Under Our Skin from KQED, San Francisco:

Lyme Disease
The tick-borne illness Lyme disease is on the rise — but many patients and their advocates say the disease is often underestimated, misdiagnosed and improperly treated. We discuss the effects of Lyme disease and the controversy surrounding its diagnosis and treatment.

Host: Dave Iverson

Guests:

• Dr. Eugene Shapiro, professor in the department of pediatrics at the Yale University School of Medicine
• Kris Newby, senior producer of the documentary “Under Our Skin: An Infectious Film about Microbes, Money and Medicine”
• Pamela Weintraub, author of the book “Cure Unknown: Inside the Lyme Epidemic”

I Won!

Once again, I have sucessully traversed the often tempestuous waters of November’s National Novel Writing Month. For a change, I wrote fiction (as opposed to memoir). For a change, I did pretty well health-wise until the last week. Then all went to hell in a handbasket, and by the last weekend, with only a few thousand words to go, I was nearly certain I would not make it.

But thanks to the support of an incredibly strong local Nano community and my non-Nanoing friends and family, I pulled out the stops and crossed the finish line early on the very last day.

The plot is coming out slowly, meaning that I’m overwriting every scene. But when I read a few sections to myself (and one out loud at the local Nano Wrap party last Wednesday – eek that was scary!), it didn’t seem so bad! And I’d rather have too much than too little. Much to edit. Much to add.

To read a synopsis and short excerpt, check out my Nanowrimo homepage, then click the Novel Info tab. You can also read or listen to a short Minnesota Public Radio story on Nano 2008 (in which I am quoted and pictured, along with several of my Nano buddies… I’m the one on the right in the “Global Market Writers” photo).

For more information about Nanwrimo, see November is National Novel Writing Month.