The Opposite of Fate

I’ve had a miserable two months. My usual symptoms have gotten worse, and I’ve been hit up with new symptoms that have my head spinning, including shortness of breath, racing irregular heart beat, body-wide hives and insane itching everywhere, including places that just shouldn’t itch (hands, bottoms of my feet, inside my ears, etc.).

After reading Amy Tan’s essay called “The Opposite of Fate” in her book of the same name in mid-December, I am now suspicious that my diagnosis of Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome may be wrong.I’m going to a specialist in chronic Lyme Disease at the beginning of February, and once again find myself in the very weird position of hoping to be diagnosed with an awful disease.

If it is Lyme, there is the potential for treatment and improvement, which is very exciting. If it is Lyme, I’m guessing that I’ve had it for twelve years or more. That will make it difficult to eradicate, but I’d be happy just to have some energy and even part of my creative brain back.

In the meantime I whine only occasionally, I appreciate the generous and kind partnership of my husband, and I try to write, spin, knit and read when energy and opportunity are present. And nap. It turns out my cat is right: One can never have enough naps!

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