August Blues

I’ve been waiting for things to take a wonderful turn for the better so I can report something lovely. Hasn’t happened, so here’s the boring, difficult truth.

The June uterectomy/ooferectomy surgery was a success (seems I had debilitating endometriosis), and I still have one healthy ovary intact. Also survived a July, fully of birthdays and anniversaries with my soon-to-be-ex-spouse (we had a good time together).

But now I am slogging through August trying to continue to recover from surgery while adjusting to new Lyme meds, restarting physical therapy and non-aerobic walking while finishing legal paperwork for the divorce and taxes.

It is all hard, all painful, and from day-to-day seems overwhelming if not downright impossible. I am better in some ways, but am so extremely fatigued that I have the energy for maybe one task per day. On a remarkable day, two. Simply scheduling an energy audit seems undoable, and I really must do it. My electric bill is off the charts — way too large for my small place. And I must also find out what has happened to my application for Medicare B. And apply for some other state services I may be eligible for now. I am still not unpacked — haven’t been strong enough. Haven’t been able to think clearly enough to organize. One of the reasons I put off the energy audit is that I’d like to have a few more things put away and have easier access to all things electric. Hasn’t happened yet.

On top of it all, I am grieving that the life I planned for is completely gone, forever. This takes far more energy that I would have guessed. Small wonder I find moving forward near impossible.

In spite of all this, I think I am a little better, post surgery, although it is nearly impossible to tell only seven weeks out what with all the fatigue. I still need pain meds, although not very much, mostly for Lyme pain. But I’m not writing (reflected in lack of blog entries) or creating any art. A very bad sign.

I read a meditation last night that asked me what gifts I would ask from the Universe to help me through this difficult time. It has never occurred to me to ask for gifts, and I found it impossible to think of anything to ask for since every good thing I have wanted seems to be taken away from me.

So, I guess if you read this, send good thoughts my way, and wish me the energy I need to do what needs to be done. That would seem like a miracle at this point.

Blessings to you all.

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Surgery #3 Next Tuesday

The belly pain and nausea are not going away. Pelvic ultrasound (what a euphamism!) shows I have a cluster of cysts on my right ovary that do not look normal, and a 5-7 cm uterine fibroid off to one side. Nothing to panic over, according to all the docs I’ve been dealing with during the last year. More, really. All this has shown up on my imaging for many years.

But because the cysts look abnormal and they could be causing or contributing to my symptoms, they’ve gotta go, along with the ovary they are tangled up with. In. Whatever.

And since I’m not really using it, and the fibroid could also be involved with my symptoms, I decided to let them take my uterus out, too. The left ovary looks to be in good shape, so I will keep that and thus be able to make my own hormones, which is VERY good.

All will be done laparoscopically, which will:

1. Make for a longer surgery

2. Make for a shorter recovery time (2-4 weeks, we’ll see)

3. Add to my belly scar collection

My GYN, whom I adore, assures me this is an outpatient surgery, and that I can climb the stairs to my apartment that very afternoon. But she told me I can stay in hospital overnight if I need to.

So think of me next Tuesday. Before that, too! I have to try and unpack some more and get my place organized and stock my fridge, etc., while I am in what is now a constant state of nausea, and thankfully, only moderate belly pain.

And I hope, hope, hope that, after recovery, we’ll find out that these things were the cause of all my belly problems. Wouldn’t that be great? If not, the search continues, although my periods will not. That alone is going to be helpful!

More as it happens.

Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

Although I’m not King Henry and I’m not battling the French, I am in need of a speech of valor.

I landed in the ER this past Saturday, and was kept overnight until I could prove I could keep down semi-solid food. Ready for this? It was exactly a year — to the day — since I first had these symptoms (severe gut pain and nausea, leaving me doubled over and barfing up everything I’ve eaten during the past month, or so it seemed).

In 2008, these symptoms culminated in five trips to the ER, two surgeries, a ten-day hospital stay, loads of unpleasant tests, including two colonoscopies within five days. Even so, I was left with inconclusive results and the likelihood that my symptoms would return. Possibly in the form of another gut obstruction.

Once more, this past Saturday, all tests seemed inconclusive and every doc I talked to told me a different story. But this time I’m dealing with the U of M hospital, which is at least a research hospital. Perhaps these docs will actually try to find out what is CAUSING my symptoms. Not that I’m going to hold my breath. I see one specialist in two weeks. The other appointment hasn’t been set up yet. I’m supposed to call the hospital if I don’t hear from them in seven days.  Unless I land back in the ER.

I’ll keep you posted. Once more.

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